I was spending time in The Word this afternoon, asking God to make HIS words for me. I opened up to 1 Samuel, where the story of Hannah caught my attention. Hannah means "he has found favor in me". She was one of the two wives of Elkanah, and was barren (by the hand of God). The "other wife" had multiple children, and provoked Hannah to the point of tears because of what she didn't have. Hannah's barrenness was a real struggle for her. She desired a child, and waited YEARS for God to provide. Later in the story, Hannah went to worship and broke into tears over her unmet desire. When her husband found her crying, he asked why she wept. In 1 Samuel 1:8 he asks, Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"
Don't I mean more to you than ten sons? Chew on that for a moment. I can imagine Hannah (who looks a little like myself) begging for this ONE THING that she thinks will make it all good. "I just want a child! The other wife has a child! What is wrong with me! What did I do wrong? I don't fit in! I am so alone! If only I was a mother, then my life would be complete" Then her husband comes in and says "Am I not enough for you? Do I not mean more to you? I FAVOR you- can't you see that!"
Is that not what Christ says to us? You may be simple, meek, childless, single, poor, sick, broken, lost, desperate. You may live in a tiny house, drive a broken car, have a jacked up past, but CAN"T YOU SEE I LOVE YOU! I FAVOR YOU! I CHOOSE YOU!
Later in the story, Hannah becomes desperate. She cries out to God for a child. She vows that if only she can have a child, then she will give it back to Him. Finally, she gives it to God. She is saying "I trust you. I want to be a mom- but I'll give him back to you. You know better!" God blesses her. She becomes pregnant and gives birth to Samuel, who she gives back to God and leaves at a very young age. Samuel grows up to be a judge and prophet, and loved God deeply. (All of which was God's plan all along.)
What....an....amazing....woman. Hannah- very human, very broken Pleading for God to show up and expecting that He would. Waiting years to meet her son then giving him up as vowed. Hannah- faithful in prayer and vow, honest about the desire of her heart, patient to see what God had for her, and persistent in going to the father for what she wanted, even when it hurt....eventually. It took her a minute, but she got there!
We all have those one things in our lives that just seem so irritating. Things that we question daily and that drive us to tears. The little fires that provoke us, cause us pain, expose our inadequacy, and most importantly illuminate our need for SOMEONE BETTER! Its really hard to fathom that God would use these irritating things to show us more of Him or to teach us to trust Him. God showed Hannah that He cared, He was in control, He knew best, He was enough. I am sure admitting her desire wasn't easy. I am positive that handing over her son wasn't easy either. But God used BOTH to teach Hannah to depend on Him. In want and in plenty God is the same. He loves us. No matter what the world says about us, we are His children. He thinks we are significant even when we think we are in need.
Hannah had a burning bush. Her desire for a son. The desire brought out all that was "wrong" with her. She compared her life, sought significance in cultural norms, let the opinions of others cause her despair. The desire also brought out all of the "right" in her to. She prayed, she sought God, she eventually got to the point of really trusting Him.
Good thing she didn't get what she wanted and thought she needed immediately. Think of all she would have missed out on.
Where are the burning bushes in your life? This is a question that I have been wrestling with for some time now. Asking where is God at work, what stands out as extraordinary amongst the ordinary. Drawing attention to what is stirring under the surface of my daily living. What motivates me, drives me, inspires me, moves me. What unmet desires ache in the deepest parts of me. Praying for Christ to illuminate where I am not trusting Him, and pleading that he grows me and makes me more like Him.
Continually searching for those Karios moments when God Breaks Into Your Life through His word, His voice, His people are necessary. Those moments of utter clarity where God reveals and uses the burning bushes of our greatest depravity, greatest strengths, greatest blessings, to make us more like Jesus.
Lord- If my deepest, most painful unmet desires are the places where you meet me, grow me, and make me more like you, than break my heart until utter dependency is all I have and turn my ashes into something beautiful.
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